Money to burn!

Happy 4th of July, my fellow citizens! During these trying times of economic uncertainty, I ask you: What do the American people need, right now, more than anything?

The answer, of course …

FIREWORKS!

This is the closest you’ll ever come to actually literally burning money without seeming insane and/or a wealthy douchebag. Our personal favorites come from the TNT Fireworks stands that are operated by various high schools for fundraising purposes. We once actually volunteered to help out for our football team, but no other players showed up. So we ended up just holding a sign on the corner of the street while our mom socialized. Yes… we’re losers. Also, by we, I mean me and my sister, who of course was not on the football team. Though we did have a girl runningback that knew how to lay the lumber.

Yet, we digress. Anyway, since TNT has a crappy website, the only thing we can confirm is the $2.99 six pack of Piccolo Petes. That’s a staple. Loud whistlers that do nothing. We loved the Ground Blooms. We used to know a friend that would pack the Piccolo Petes in really tight, and then they would … Hm… probably not a good idea to disclose that in a public forum actually. Anyway, as for the ground blooms, we used to enjoy lighting those and then chucking them in the air. Also dangerous. We have a story to back that as well.

Well, the point of this is that $100 can get you about 200 piccolo petes. Or… The King package from Superior Fireworks for $85. Spend the rest on a couple six packs, and have yourself a Fourth to remember!

Alright kids, have a happy Indie Day.

Editor’s note: We apologize for the lateness of this publishing. We were hoping to post this one around noon PT today, but family obligations swept us away. We also would like to apologize for the profane language of the above picture, but we felt it was appropriate to show the Fuck Yeahness of this wonderful nation. Corny? Fuck Yeah!