DRAFT SUMMARY: Round One Recap and Reactions

.

Well, the inaugural 200 Tacos Draft of Everything $100 or Less in the Universe has been quite a doozy so far. We’d like to turn now to our guest analysts covering the draft, fake Matthew Lesko and fake Suze Orman!

FAKE SUZE ORMAN: Welcome, my dear friends! I’m Suze Orman and I. Am. Just. So. Ex. Cited. About. This. Draft! Joining me here is Matthew Lesko. Well Matthew, what did you think of the draft? Let me tell you, I. Have. Been. Completely. Surprised. So. Far!

FAKE MATTHEW LESKO: WELL SUZE! LEMME TELL YOU! THEY SURE HIGHLIGHTED A LOT OF THINGS YOU CAN GET ALMOST FOR FREEEEEEE!! THE BARGAINS ARE ALL HERE!!!

FAKE SUZE ORMAN: Kakaka! You’re. so. right. Matt. Hew. Let me aysk you, what are your thoughts so far? Come on, lay it on me.

FAKE MATTHEW LESKO: LET ME TELL YOU, SUZE! I THOUGHT WE STARTED OFF JUST A LITTLE SLOW WITH BIG BERTHA AND FRIENDS! WHY PAY MONEY FOR FRIENDS WHEN THE GOVERNMENT CAN GIVE IT TO YOU FOR FREEEEE!!!!

FAKE SUZE ORMAN: That, my dear friends, are words of gold. I think we peaked with the third overall pick. You, my precious, have. been. watching. the. SUZE ORMAN SHOW. But, even with $88 million in your pocket, it’s just not enough. You gotta know what to do with your money. You gotta know, and I’m. here. to. tell. you. You neeeeeed to invest in mattresses to keep your money under! It’s the only safe place these days!

FAKE MATTHEW LESKO: I COMPLETELY AGREE! JUST BECAUSE I WEAR THESE AMAZING SUITS, PEOPLE THINK I KNOW A LOT ABOUT MONEY — WHICH I DO! — BUT PEOPLE ALSO THINK I KNOW A LOT ABOUT TASTE — WHICH I DON’T! I THINK THE SAME CAN BE SAID ABOUT THE FOURTH PICK! THESE MUGS ARE DISGUSTING!

FAKE SUZE ORMAN: You think that’s bad? What about the gold plated tacos?! Looook familiar, my deeear? Do you think I’m going to let you use 40 percent of your budget on a talk-o? You. My. LUSCIOUS. SWEET. DIPSY. DOODLE. are denied.

FAKE MATTHEW LESKO: THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! AAAAAHHHHHH! GET THEM OFF ME!!!!!! MOST UNCLEAN!!!!! MOST UNCLEAN!!!!

FAKE SUZE ORMAN: What cute little babies that last pick. DEEEELLLLIIIISSSHHHH!!!!!

And that wraps up the round one recap. Tinmaker, as previous stated, you are now on the clock. The second round will resume shortly.

Round 1:

1. Tinmaker: 200 Rounds with Big Bertha!

2. TheHurt85: 30 Friends!

3. HanktheBank: $88 million!

4. TruckWithouttheKey: Muggin’!

5. JideDrexler: 2 (yes two) Tacos.. and a Roasted Garlic Soup (late post)

6. Kel Kel From Hell Hell: 80 little scaly slimy bastards! (late post)

Editor’s note: Tinmaker would like us (just me) to clarify that this post was written in jest, with no offense intended.

“Tinmaker: You know, re-looking at the jokes, I know you’re joking but to someone else it might sound kinda like youre knocking the other picks” and! “I don’t think you can really take a fake money people seriously! Although it might be really easy for someone to interpret it another way”

I would like to add, however, that a little competitive banter never hurt the spirit of friendly competition. Key word here folks, is friendly. And sensitive. I’ll say it again, I’m really looking forward to this trip …. sigh.