Draft Pick: When Zombies Attack!

My recent (and first ever) expedition to Comic-Con ‘08 prompted me to realize several things. First, never underestimate the banshee-like power of a 16-year-old’s shrill screams, especially when they are echoing off the high walls of Hall H in the San Diego Convention Center. B, you may look odd in a costume, but you might as well be Orlando Bloom by the number of people who point and squeal and ask to take your picture. Lastly, although these mythological “free bags” are given out periodically at some point during every day, one can never seem to get their hands on one unless they camp out near the Warner Bros. booth and make googly-eyes at assistants (read: “interns” and/or “temps”) working the desk.

But one thing is certain – and I’m not talking about the inevitable failure of Spider-Man 4 – I’m talking about zombies. They’re alive (?) and well and took over San Diego during Comic-Con.

But how to protect yourself? If past films are any indication, a zombie attack will always happen in your town while you are a) sleeping, b) out of town (so that you return to find the town completely ravaged and you one of it’s only survivors, damning you to a fate of finding others and rounding them up in a large car, preferably a van or Winnebago or even a bus, and charging through the zombied streets, without a doubt losing 60%-90% of your party along the way), or c) having sex. These events all call for quick-on-the-feet thinking and the need for a pack of some sort that one can grab quickly and GTFO!

What to include in your zombie survival kit? If we’re budgeting for a ballpark-estimated amount of time it’d take you to get out of city limits and into the arms of the national guard (just going by the zombie-flick pattern here), I’d give us an average of about a week. Let’s also assume you’re going to need to feed and keep alive at least two people, because you WILL find a straggler along your escape route who may or may not be infected already, just awaiting “the change.” (this all depends on what movie you’re watching).

Well of course, food and water to start. Nothing fancy. Crackers are a good choice, maybe some trail mix (or the more aptly named “survivor mix“) and water – consider a water filter that you can reuse, assuming you’ll have to scavenge around to find a hose or tap to steal water from. All that for two will run you up to about $60.

So while you’ve got nourishment covered, now’s the time to talk self-defense. My weapon of choice? Cricket bat! Thanks to Shaun, I’ve never looked one the same. And if you sharpen up the edge before venturing out, it’s much more useful! Spend your last $12 on a cheapie radio (with optional battery power!) to keep you up to date and you’re as good as alive.

And what to keep it in? One of the aforementioned bags, of course! Free and huge, they’ll hold everything you need. Unless it’s a History channel bag… then there may be problems.

Hey, I’m just trying to prep you for next year. Best of luck!